she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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