i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
