I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
