im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
