My hair reeks of homosexuality.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
