I'm eating all of the evidence.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
