my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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