i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
