How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
