i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
