Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i think i just lost a toe
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
