DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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