She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
