I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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