I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
