I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Randomize
