Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
