i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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