What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
