your room smells of hookers.
And success
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
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