Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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