I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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