I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
