i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
