I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
