You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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