And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
