Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
