this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
