i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
