I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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