You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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