Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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