He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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