My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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