waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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