Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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