dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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