OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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