I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
