I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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