she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i believe in u and ur pee
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
