it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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