i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
