1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
