When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
