i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
