he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
