They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
