I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
