omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
