We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
