I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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