last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
