I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
