Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
